Who can be a Justice on the Supreme Court of the United States? According to the Constitution — it can pretty much be anyone as there are no age or citizenship requirements to pass.
Of course, in reality, the nominees the Senate tends to confirm are individuals with a legal background and graduated from the top schools. Connections and politics obviously play huge roles in the selection process.
Still, it is fun to ruminate on what qualities we want in a Justice. After all, we don’t want really want them to be judges, we want them to be heroes, individuals who use their brilliant capabilities to defend the rights of the people.
Each of the following characters is amazing in their respective fields. Some have legal backgrounds. Others have common sense. All of them would bring something unique and vital to the Court for the benefit of all.
Marshall – How I Met Your Mother
Most lawyers get disillusioned with the law and quit — not Marshall. Seeing a pharmaceutical company get a slap on the wrist only made him more determined to use his legal prowess for good and started him on the path to becoming a judge. His intelligence, optimism and good humor make him a perfect match for the judiciary branch. Forget Judge Fudge or Fudge Supreme, Chief Justice Fudge of the Supreme Court would be just desserts — Marshall approves this pun — for everyone.
Charley Bordelon – Queen Sugar
Charley Bordelon thought she had the perfect life until it imploded. Now she fights for her home and for her community. Her investigative and negotiation skills stopped the construction of a for-profit prison and saved countless farms. Imagine what she could accomplish on the national level.
Michael Flaherty – Spin City
Sadly, a Supreme Court Justice is just as much of a politician as any member of Congress. Fortunately, there’s Michael Flaherty, who definitely knows the score when it comes politics. Even better, he’s the rare individual who loves the game, is great at the game, and actually plays the game in order to help people.
Cmdr. Kelly Grayson – The Orville
Supreme Court Justices are constantly balancing competing interests. Cmdr. Kelly Grayson is no stranger to the balancing act. She knows when to be tough and when to be compassionate. She honors the rights of the individual but also knows when to the put others before herself.
Jerry Seinfeld – Seinfeld
Most court cases aren’t about defending your liberties or grandstanding for your principles. Instead, most court cases, even or perhaps especially at the Supreme Court level, are about the minor quibbles: was the filing deadline met, were the right boxes on the form checked, is this case even in the correct courtroom. It all comes down to minutiae, and there is no one better at analyzing and questioning of the minutiae of all things than Jerry Seinfeld.
Ellie Torres – Cougar Town
The U.S. legal system is built upon precedent, but just because something is precedent doesn’t make it immune to being nonsensical, outdated or wrong. Supreme Court Justices need the conviction to overrule past decisions. For this, there is no one more qualified than Ellie “Change Approved” Torres. Thanks to her rational decisionmaking the term “cakewalk” now rightly means something really difficult to do and “sleeping like a baby” means you get no sleep at all.
Diane Lockhart – The Good Fight
If there is one character the real world would consider qualified for the job, it’s Diane Lockhart. Her legal skills are unparalleled. And now that she has to fight her way back from the brink of being ruined, she is as capable as ever in the courtroom and even hungrier for social justice.
Rick Sanchez – Rick and Morty
Technology and the judiciary are not a match made in heaven. Technology moves too fast, and judicial officers don’t understand it. So when it inevitably comes time for the courts to tackle the legal issues surrounding multidimensional travel, self-aware dogs, and the transformation of humans into pickles, Rick may be our only hope at sorting it all out.
Jamie Reagan – Blue Bloods
According to the old saying, “A lawyer who represents himself has a fool for a client.” Jamie Reagan proved he was an exception to the rule when he successfully earned acquittals for himself and Eddie of all charges after a car chase gone wrong. The combination of possessing an Ivy League law degree and years of experience as a cop on the street means Jamie has the ideal combination of book and street smarts.
Violet Crawley – Downton Abbey
The true successor to Justice Kennedy’s seat should be the Dowager Countess herself, Violet Crawley. Yes, she takes pride in being elitist and the good old ways, but in times of crises, she doesn’t hesitate to go against the norm. She can be the vital swing vote. Watching her relish the role of being the only Justice whose opinion matters would only be second to the delight of her hearing her oneliners during oral arguments.
Jack McCoy – Law & Order
For as long as we’ve known Jack McCoy, first as an ADA and then as the DA, he has represented the people. Making sure justice prevails isn’t something he merely believes in, it’s what he does.
Leslie Knope – Parks and Recreation
What are Supreme Court cases? They’re problems. Who can solve any problem? Leslie Knope.
Mr. Feeny – Boy Meets World
Mr. Feeny is an excellent scholar, a fair disciplinarian, and inspires respect. Most of all, what would truly make him an outstanding Justice is his wisdom. The opinions Mr. Feeny would write wouldn’t be law the American people would grudgingly accept. His opinions would be treated as words to live by.
Midge Maisel – The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
The First Amendment has no better protector than Mrs. Maisel. Getting charged with obscenity, indecent exposure, and contempt showed her the fragility of the right to free speech and strengthened her resolve to keep pushing the boundaries. She may have taken a few lumps in her first courtroom battle, but as a Supreme Court Justice, she’ll get the last laugh. By the way, did I mention she’s funny?
Capt. Jean-Luc Picard – Star Trek: The Next Generation
The Supreme Court needs a Justice who can open their mind, expand their horizons, and be open to options never before considered. Whether he is defending an android’s autonomy or preventing the Federation from conducting witchhunts, Picard has shown time and time again that he possesses those qualities. The Court also needs his wonderful speeches.
Elizabeth McCord – Madame Secretary
Her approval ratings are consistently higher than the President’s with good reason — she’s excellent at her job. Honestly, Elizabeth McCord excels at any government position. Why settle for the executive branch where the policies you set only last a few years at most. She belongs on the Supreme Court where she can set the standards for decades to come.
Dean Craig Pelton – Community
Dean Pelton presided over the landmark cases People v. Britta Perry and Hawthorne v. Bennett. If he could handle the insanity those cases brought on top the insanity that comes with being dean of Greendale Community College, he is more than ready to preside over the problems the American people bring before the judiciary. Most of all, he would be the greatest fashionista on the Court since Sandra Day O’Connor.
Amy Gray – Judging Amy
Judge Amy Gray is not just another nominee who graduated from “freaking Harvard.” Her years as juvenile court judge has given her a unique insight into the challenges minors face and taught her to enforce the law with compassion and creativity. Too often the Supreme Court is out of touch and dismisses the young. If there is someone who could change that attitude, it’s Judge Gray.
Sheldon Cooper – The Big Bang Theory
Attorneys spend most of their careers time writing legal briefs the robed ones don’t read. Sheldon Cooper won’t tolerate this state of affairs anymore. As a Supreme Court Justice he would make it his mission to read every single page of every document presented before him. Sure he’ll criticize your formatting, but at least he’ll know why you’re at the Court in the first place.
Kate Beckett – Castle
Now that she conquered all her personal demons, it’s time put Kate Beckett’s skills to work where they can do the most good. Untangling and interpreting statutes and case law are mysteries that require a detective of Beckett’s caliber to solve.
Ichabod Crane – Sleepy Hollow
When adjudicating a case many Supreme Court Justices ask themselves, how would the Framers of the Constitution decide the issue(s) before them? Ichabod Crane doesn’t have to ask. He personally knew the Framers and knows exactly what their opinions on taxes, voting, and civil rights would be. Arguments over “original intent” begone.
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